William Shakespeare: Star Wars Rebels
by Sola Haze
Summary: I just wanted to do this one day. It's a re-telling of Rebels, but in Shakespearean play formatting and dialogue, you know, all the thou's and thee's, metaphors and artistic dialogue. I'm pretty sure this could never do Shakespeare justice, but it sounds pretty good to me. It's also the script for my upcoming audio drama. (You can request scenes to be Shakespeareified)
1. ACT I SCENE I

**So, this just popped into my head one day. I love Shakespeare, likely more than anyone in my English class, so I wanted to write Star Wars Rebels into a Shakespeare. Also, on** **castingcallclub** **, I'll be putting out auditions for an audio drama.**

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 **ACT I, SCENE I**

 _Two corrupt officers pick on a poor merchant to exercise their power and instill fear within onlookers. When the officers are about to take the man to prison for not cooperating, a young street rat intervenes to save the man and tricks the officers into thinking there is an emergency in the main square. The street rat proceeds to take some of the man's fruit and run off._

 _(Enter Aresko, Grint, and Stormtroopers)_

GRINT: Present thy identification. Thy credentials, sir.

YOFFAR: I am only trying to peddle my goods, to earn a meager copper in this harsh city. Be it of such concern?

ARESKO: Cease thy evasion, citizen! All salesmanship must be approved by the Empire, lest they be selling contraband.

YOFFAR: I doth remember the days before thine tyranny, days of yore, before thine black ships arriv'd, to rain pov'rty and ruin upon our beautiful Lothal, as thee hast upon the rest of the galaxy.

ARESKO: Thy speech bears the echo of treason, citizen. What think you of this, Mister Grint?

GRINT: Yes, Commandant Aresko. Perhaps we shall make a model of him for others outspoken...

YOFFAR: Wait, n-no! I-

ARESKO: _(Commlink beep)_ This is LRC-01. Officer, I am bringing some local scum to detention for a ghastly charge of treason. To where shall we deliver this criminal?

STORMTROOPER: _(Over commlink)_ Good officer, I have a cell prepared on the block of AA-33. Bring him immediately.

ARESKO: I thank thee, sir. _(Commlink beep)_ Soldiers, take this wretch away. I want never to lay mine eyes upon such filth hence. Alas, such impurities stain every street in this miserable world.

STORMTROOPER: Yes, sir!

 _(Troopers grab_ Yoffar _.)_

YOFFAR: Nay! Prithee! I beg of thee! Thou can'st be so cruel!

GRINT: Ha! O, peace, wretch! Thy cries fall upon deaf ears. What soul aids such a miserable man? _(Calls out to crowd)_ What say you, citizens? Doth thee bolster the beggar? Doth thee wish to spare him his punishment? To take misfortune upon thine own shoulders? What say you, citizens? Ha ha, such cowards make easy a tyrannical rule! Aha ha ha ha!

 _(Enter Ezra.)_

EZRA: Oh, pardon me, sir, but have you a jogan to spare for a starving youth?

GRINT: Begone, aroint thee, Loth-rat. I shall give thee none. Children must work for their meals. Find thyself work, if thee desires food.

EZRA: _(Laying it on very thick, almost mocking)_ A thousand apologies, good, gracious, compassionate sir. I mean thee no inconvenience. I bade thee, good morrow. _(Walks to edge of stage. Aside)_ Fools! Let ignorant eyes be blinded, for he who possesses no competence sees no truth. I have stolen their commlink, and now I will use it to aid that poor gent, Yoffar, though he would do not the same for me.

EZRA: _(Over Commlink)_ Officers, hark! An emerg'ncy hath arisen in the main square!

ARESKO: T'is thy hour of fortune, beggar. Troopers, skip hence.

 _(Exeunt Aresko, Grint, and Stormtroopers. Enter Ezra.)_

EZRA: Be wary, take haste! This be an emergency, a code red! _(Commlink beep. To Yoffar:)_ Ah, be at peace, good Yoffar. Those villains have gone.

YOFFAR: Thou art truly as clever as they come, to have saved me as you did. O, prithee, accept my thanks, orphan!

EZRA: Keep thy thanks, sir, I need them not. Thou canst don me something more precious than thy thanks: a meal. I bid thee, sir, thank _you_ , for these jogans will feed me handsomely for the next fortnight.

YOFFAR: Thou art demanding my fruit? Cease! What be this?

EZRA: Thy thanks art to mine appreciation, but nothing compares to a meal for a starving mouth. I fare thee well.

 _(Exit Ezra.)_

YOFFAR: That child... he doth stir something in my memory. How odd a fellow, to aid me when none would. Truly he is generous, compassionate. Still, the question remains: Who is that child?


	2. ACT I SCENE II

**There was a lot of action in this scene, and since I'm making this into an audio performance, I had to have Ezra narrate a lot.**

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 _After rescuing Yoffar, Ezra follows the Stormtroopers to the main square to laugh at their confusion. But, at the scene, a weapons heist breaks our, and Ezra jumps in the middle to claim a prize of his own._

 _(Enter Ezra above. Enter Aresko and Grint.)_

EZRA: Ah, here come the fools to the main square, to meet their superior officer, doubtless. From this rooftop abode, mine eyes hath clear sight to this comedy. What ignorance!

STORMTROOPER: Valorous Sir, we have arrived at the location, and are awaiting thy orders.

ARESKO: What be the emergency?

LYSTE: Pray tell, of what emergency doth thou speak?

GRINT: T'was thy voice that spoke from the commlink, t'was thy voice that warned an emerg'ncy. 'Be wary', 'take haste'. Were those not thy words?

LYSTE: I'm afraid thou must be mistaken.

ARESKO: Do you take us for fools? To take us for fools, the fool wouldst be thou. In all respect, sir, thou hast called a code red.

LYSTE: I' faith, thy words doth confound me much. Mine orders were to move these crates from hither to the Imperial portal, with much haste as is possible.

ARESKO: Then cease thy contending and command thy men! Soldiers, ho, be about thine work!

EZRA: O, how fools bicker and squabble only to content their pride. They all are fools, but canst accept truth as 't comes. I would bestow upon them mine pity if their ignorance did not make mine life of much ease. I... hmm, I feel a strange spark in mine soul. Not for these fools, but for something I know not. This feeling, it doth guide me often, to the right path. Doth it guide me to fortune once more?

EZRA: It be a man. Strange, such a presence sets a spark in my soul, like a calling. Oh no! He looks!

 _(Kanan looks up at the balcony. Ezra ducks. Kanan turns back.)_

EZRA: Good, I hath avoided his sight. What a strange fellow. I must observe him, for he intrigues me much. Now he is walking, and pauses, oh so casually. He signals to his comrades, who swath themselves in shadows out of the Imperial eye, a tall, alien brute, and a girl in armor of many colors... interesting.

 _(Kanan walks forth and signals to Zeb and Sabine. Sabine approaches the Imperials.)_

EZRA: Now, here comes the girl. She approaches the Imperial patrols... what be this? She hast thrown something into the pack. What is it? Who is she? Shall the heavens heed my questions?

 _(Explosion)_

EZRA: *Gasp* T'was an explosive! She has caused a chaos among the group. They fall into disarray!

LYSTE: Soldiers, hark! Take those crates from here! Protect them with thy lives!

EZRA: This bounty is of value! The heavens have guided me to fortune once more! I shall snatch those crates from right under the noses of those radicals.

 _(Exit Ezra.)_

STORMTROOPER: Troopers, ho, take haste! We must take these crates away from hither, on the commander's orders. Oh, some gent is blocking the way.

 _(Enter Kanan and Zeb.)_

KANAN: Good morrow. I shall relieve you of this bounty.

 _(Blaster shots)_

STORMTROOPER: T'is one of the insurgents! Troopers, skip hence! Skip hence! _(Grunts as he is shot.)_

ZEB: We have liberated the crates! Let us praise ourselves in later hours.

KANAN: Yes, good kinsman. Let us take our leave.

 _(Enter Ezra.)_

EZRA: Not so hot, strange heroes. I doth believe I shall take a crate or two off of your hands. Ever accept mine thanks, thee hast aided me greatly. Adieu, gentlemen!

KANAN: Quickly, Kinsman, stop that urchin!

ZEB: Halt, Loth-rat!

 _(Exit Ezra.)_

ZEB: _(Growls)_ He hath avoided my blow. What shall we do?

KANAN: Follow him, Kinsman! We must retrieve the crates, lest the Imperials retrieve them first!

 _(Exeunt.)_


End file.
